am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
