I love black thongs
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
