I will die if light touches me.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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