If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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