I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
