he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
