So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
