We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
