I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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