You're my little dorito
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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