There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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