I seem to have left my pride at pride
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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