I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Mom said you looked used
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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