She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
