If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize