Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
