Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
