Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize