you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
