you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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