your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
