i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
