I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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