i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
