I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
