The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
