I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
