third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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