so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
