I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize