i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
