i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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