He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
