And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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