somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
