He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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