and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
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