he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
