her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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