Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
