Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
