Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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