Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
