She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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