Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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