Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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