We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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