i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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