It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
