thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
