I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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