How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
