Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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