That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
