I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
