i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
