My liver just broke up with me...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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