Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
