oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
