just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
