You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
