fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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