I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize