she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
