Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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