Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
