proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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