i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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