I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
