My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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