hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Your shirt... Was in my pants
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
