No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
