End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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