Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
