Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize
