Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
