i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
